Los Angeles April 28, 2008 -- Licensed child therapist Kimberley Clayton Blaine comments on the trend of posting child discipline videos online. She states, "Parents are posting their child's time out videos on YouTube," a popular video posting site. Some of these children are all under 24 months of age- still in diapers. Is this where parents are going for child rearing information? Or is this an avenue for parents to display how funny it is to see a young child being disciplined as entertainment?

It is virtually impossible for a child this young to cognitively understand what a time-out is, let alone understand why their parents have such high expectations for them when they have such little life experience. There were more than 10 such videos posted on YouTube.

Kimberley Clayton Blaine, a licensed child therapist and the creator of www.TheGoToMom.com, found these disturbing family videos while looking for a colleague's video on YouTube. She states, "The lack of respect it takes to film a child's most embarrassing moments as entertainment and the misuse of time-outs that are now serving as punishment rather than guidance, basically makes this type of treatment abuse. No, it is not reportable by standard definitions, but again if an adult was humiliated and video taped being punished, it would be considered abusive."

In the past, time-outs were seen as a way to help correct a child's behavior, however today they are naively used as a form of punishment.

Blaine believes this is a clear example of where American parents are failing their children and our society. It's humiliating enough for a child to be disciplined in private, but then to post it on the Internet? What purpose does this serve?
   
As Alfie Kohn states in his book, Unconditional Parenting, (2005), many parents are cracking down on their young children just for being kids, which is heartbreaking to watch. Parents who understand children's developmental limitations tend to respond to their children in a reasonable, calm and patient manner.

The coerciveness and misuse of time-outs on the very young are usually done because parents are lacking knowledge of child development and have unrealistically high expectations. Blaine explains that this type of old-fashioned naive parenting is what motivates her to film her Go-To mom shows. When young children are upset, they unravel and spin out of control. Stress hormones are released and their ability to take control of their emotions is almost impossible. This is when they need their parents most. The misuse of a time-out is not only punishing but alienating, and may spark a physiological out of control response.

If the children who were exploited on YouTube had parents who were more empathetic to their needs or who were emotion coaches, there would be less stress and emotional breakdown as seen in their time-out videos. Parents who empathize with their children understand that a 15-month-old simply can't know the true ramifications of spilling his fruit loops and stepping on them (like the little boy in a YouTube time-out video).

Although the children in the YouTube videos were not being spanked, Blaine says the children she viewed were being disciplined in a way that will not have the long-term results their parents are seeking. Just because the toddlers stopped their poor behavior for the moment, doesn't mean that they understand what a time-out is. These children ceased their behavior because they were afraid of their parents love-withdrawal and rejection. Parents are using time-outs as punishment, but research shows that negative motivation doesn't work.

A toddler's developing brain cannot process and integrate the complex message of a time-out. Toddlers have limited emotion regulation and need a caring adult to empathize, soothe and guide them. Blaine states, "Children who are put into repeated time-outs may develop poor emotion control because they are left alone with no one to soothe or guide them during the upheaval."

Dr. John Gottman's research shows that creating a stronger bond between parent and child involves empathy. He believes that empathy is the foundation for effective parenting (Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child, 1997). The more empathy a parent has for their young child, the stronger the relationship and thus less acting out.

Connection is the key ingredient in helping guide our malleable children. Punishment disconnects us from our children and impairs the goal of helping them become self-sufficient. Blaine believes that when a parent takes time to listen and respond instead of resorting to love-withdraw or alienation, the child learns to view that bond as rewarding. Children need role models and their parents to build a healthy relationship. When a parent takes time to connect and help their toddler choose appropriate actions through guidance, then there is no need for emotionally draining time-outs.

The www.TheGoToMom.Com mission is to give parents invaluable information in a short period of time. A specialist in non-coercive, non-aggressive parenting, Kimberley Clayton Blaine is both an expert and a hands-on mom. "I teach moms and dads the basics of parenting through relationship," she explains, "from my perspective, parenting through relationship is not a strategy but a philosophy."

Copyright 2008
Kimberley Clayton Blaine, MA, MFT is the mother of two boys and a licensed Child and Family therapist in Los Angeles, California. She is the creator and founder of an online parenting show called, www.TheGoToMom.com

For Information
contact: Kimberley Blaine at 310-497-0088
email: kcb@kcbconsult.com